If You Feel Too Much: Thoughts on Things Found and Lost and Hoped For by Jamie Tworkowski

Author:Jamie Tworkowski [Tworkowski, Jamie]
Language: eng
Format: epub, azw
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2015-05-26T04:00:00+00:00

RING THE BELLS

We’ll ring the bells that lead you home

’Cause the only truth I’ve ever known

Is that nothing ever hurts us more than love

So circle up your best of friends

And we’ll celebrate the way it ends

At least we live tonight

At least we live tonight

i am writing to tell you about a song. The song was not written by a famous artist. The band is not signed to a major label. i have listened to the song twenty times today. i listened to it three times in a row this morning, borrowed headphones plugged into a borrowed computer in a borrowed office. i cried for ten minutes straight. It is an awkward thing to be a grown-up crying in an office, especially someone else’s and especially during business hours, and yet the thing i heard in the headphones came louder than the fear or shame i felt for crying. There was the sense that i was hearing something important, something that felt true to the deepest place in me. Who can say why we love something or feel something? i am certainly no authority, but perhaps it starts with truth. There is something about hearing or seeing or feeling something that is true.

My friend Steven McMorran lives in Los Angeles. He lives with his wife, Danielle, and their adorable baby boy, Aiden. They chose Los Angeles and they remain in Los Angeles because there are songs inside of Steven. They stay also because of the people around them who not only believe in those songs, they know the cost and weight of the songs. They live in a humble apartment that though close enough in miles, is far from Malibu and Mulholland. They have made it a home, made with things that can’t be measured in square feet. It has been my privilege to get to know them over the last couple of years, to learn their stories and to be loved by them. When i spend time with Steven and Danielle, i am certain that i am loved beyond anything that i could ever explain or earn or deserve. i am certain also that my friends are living a sacred story worthy of love songs and fight songs, a story rich with victory, defeat, sadness, forgiveness, laughter, depression, redemption, passion, pain, and hope.

“Ring the Bells” is the title track on an EP that came out today. The band is called SATELLITE, and my friend Steven is the singer. The song is a love song and a fight song and perhaps also a prayer. It is urgent and beautiful and powerful, and i believe it because i have seen my friend Steven talk about his wife and son without blinking.

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